Thursday, 17 November 2011

Trying to be positive - but failing

Why is it the people close to you are the ones that seem to let you down when you least expect it?  I went out of my way to organise something for a family member who had been having a rough time of it - yet two days before it was due to happen they cancel on me to do something with someone else?  I was cross and angry - so many questions about why agree to something and say you will do it but as soon as a better offer comes along turn your back?  Do people's feelings not matter anymore?  Of course nothing can be said as they are family so instead I have to spend my time pretending everything is OK and that I am not bothered by being dropped in favour of someone else.  I think the moral of the story is to be selfish and not try to do nice things for other people any more!  I feel sad that I feel like that but as I'm not allowed to be angry about it what else can I do?  This happened of an evening and I have found that it has affected me the following day just as much.  When someone told me something at work I found myself annoyed as I had already found out via the rumour mill.  Again the one person I thought in a work environment wouldn't let me down but they have and now I just keep waiting for the next person to let me down.I have to put up with a change that I don't agree with.  Everyone is acting like it will be very positive but I know full well that a month or so down the road it will go back to how it has always been?  So do I again have to suffer in silence - why should I?  I have to go to work every day and suffer due to someone else's error yet I am not allowed an opinion on it!  Grrrrrrrr!  I think the answer to the work situation is to keep my head down and grin and bear it - wait for it all to go tits up and then try and act surprised! Whilst at the same time seriously looking for a new job.
I promised myself that I wouldn't use my blog to vent my anger but in modern society social media is so public that you can never put a comment of Facebook without someone making an issue of it or reading something in to it that isn't there.
On a more positive note its nearly holiday time again.  A week of peace and quiet in the forest sounds bliss at the moment!  Again I have managed to find a negative in that my Dad will be in hospital and I feel that I am letting him down by not being there to bring him home.  Instead he either has to sit in a discharge lounge and wait for someone to pick him up or we have to ask someone who he doesn't really want to pick him up!  On the plus side he will be much better once the operation is done and can do all the things he wants to do instead of being limited.  If only everything could be solved by a surgeons knife!
I have recently had the chance to sit and chat (over a lovely lunch) with someone I have always wanted to get to know better.  I have "known" this person for a few years but haven't ever really had the chance to get to know them and I have to say I am glad that I did.  What a kind and caring person.  If only there were more people in the world like them.
Well as its not long until Christmas I best get on with some online shopping - hopefully this will help me shift the negative mood that is hanging over me at the moment.

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